Well, I’m back from Slovenija where I had a wonderful time and lots more learning about myself and my patterns. Isn’t it amazing how when you’re open to letting go of old patterns, they pop up to remind you they are there!
The pattern I was working on, which I did know about, just not quite the depth it had embodied itself into every aspect of my life, was “everyone has to be ok before I take care of me.” A typical rescuer belief and one that I have worked on for a long while and which in many areas is so much better now. Certainly consciously I don’t believe that any more and that sneaky subconscious is still holding on.
The aspect that came up for me is that in order to know what I want, whether that’s what I want to do, or what I want to eat, I need to have someone else making their decision first, so I can use them as a sounding board. They want that, what would it be like if I had that? Do I want that? And if they have that and I don’t, is that allowed?
When I got to look at it clearly, I could see just how much energy gets used in doing that. It was such little girl “I’m not allowed ” stuff and to at least a part of me, it was non negotiable. you can’t have what you want till you know what “they ” want and see what’s left over for you. it was “the rule”. So there!!! and I could almost feel that little girl in me stamping her feet.
That was the rule she’d been told, (though actually it’s possible that it’s one she made up for herself when she was trying to make sense of the incomprehensible things that people say to children,) and she was sticking to it because without that she didn’t feel safe. The rules we make for ourselves and the world are all about safety in a confusing world and without that guidance life can feel very uncertain.
Lots of tapping went on with that young part of me and of course the adult part too, (thanks to the colleague who tapped with me:) ) and a lot cleared and I know there’s still work to do because so many areas of my life were affected and it feels great just to be really clear that that pattern’s there. when you don’t know what’s there, you’re powerless to make changes, and when you do, there are so many new options.
I wonder what “rules” you’ve created for yourself. If you look at how you live your life, the things that you find difficult, what “rules” might be getting in your way?
Tapalong with me and see if anything comes up for you
Even though I may have created rules for myself when I was very young, I deeply and completely accept myself
Even though life was very confusing and I did my best to make sense of it with my rules, I’m OK
Even though my rules keep me safe, maybe, I deeply and completely accept myself
They’re what keep me safe
You can’t have them
You can’t take them away from me
You can’t make me do it differently
And that’s the truth
And I wonder if they really do keep me safe?
And I wonder if there are other ways of seeing the world that might be even safer?
Even though I made those rules so long ago and I’m still living to them, I deeply and completely accept myself
Even though I’ve had them so long, I wonder if they are just like a coat. When you grow, you don’t fit them any more? and I’m OK
Even though it’s what I do, I’m open to the possibility that it’s what I did and it doesn’t have to be what I do now.
It’s what I do
It’s what I did
And I wonder if I could be open to the possibility that there may be other things that I could do now?
That are safer and healthier and much more fun
And that fit the person that I am now
I was so young then
Nothing else from that time fits me now
So I’m open to the possibility that I could have fun creating new “rules,” that don’t have to be rules, new ways of doing things that fit who I am now and what a relief that would be!!:)